I understand every form of the modern man... the player, the cheater, the asshole, the brawler, the guys we all know. All of that is in me somewhere... it's in the man gene. I have so far successfully suppressed that gene for the most part. Sometimes it's easier than others.
I always think of the aftermath of my actions... of others feelings... and my own... how I will feel about someone tomorrow.
Tonight for instance. I went o a bar to meet some friends and they were really late (I was really early). So this girl came over and sat next to me. My first thought was HMMMM... Pretty hot! (Man gene) We ended up talking for a while and she decided to confess (HA) that she thought I was hot.
The problem is that I know within the first 5 minutes of talking with someone whether there is a future in it. That is against the man code, I know! You mount the woman! HA!
I found myself looking at her knowing that it would go nowhere.... but wanting to hold on to her in the dark... smell her hair..feel her warmth. But I couldn't, because it wouldn't be real, wouldn't be fair to her....fair to who I am.
She could be here right now....and that would be nice...it would feel good. It may even feel right for a few hours. In the end I am who I am...I would rather be lonely tonight than potentially hurt someones feelings tomorrow.
Life would be so much easier if I let the man gene take over. I have the nice guy gene as well... and so far nice guys end up lonely.
2 comments:
Why dont you live closer to me? Dammit! :) wait, I'm destin to be alone too.... so we can just write about our mysery LOL
OMG- the word verification on here is dont laugh too hard 'pubies'
lmao- well isn't that just ugliness.
Hmmmm.... That is a good question:)
There's nothing wrong with chosing to be alone rather than settle for something that isn't perfect. Besides... you are not alone... there are people out there that feel exactly the way you do.
PUBIES!! HAHA! That's just funny. I had no idea the word verifications could be so vulgar! hehe
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