I've been thinking alot lately about how others see me. Mostly people I work with, but also some of my close friends. It's starting to become a little annoying to me that they all think they know me so well. In reality they don't at all. Because they have never taken the time ask ANYTHING. I'm finding that a conversation with most people is just a way for them to get to talk about themselves. I am a good listener, ask follow up questions to seem interested, and compliment as needed. Not that I'm insincere... I know what people want to hear and most people just keep that stuff to themselves. I always notice when someone gets their hair done or is wearing something new. I guess I like making people feel good about themselves. It's funny how many people are not used to that. Well sad really. So many people are starving for someone to listen to them, notice them and care about what's going on with them. It's hard to have a real conversation with most people. I tend to be a bit deep, philosophical, and serious when it comes to emotions. I think that turns alot of people off. Everyone tries so hard to be rock solid. That bores the shit out of me.
Well that was a bit of a rant! Where was I going with this..... Ah... So I was at a party a while back and my friends wife was there. I've known this girl for probably ten years. She was always a bit shy and always nice. There was a guitar in the corner so I picked it up and sat on the couch. I don't usually play guitar or sing in front of others, but I was a little drunk so what the fudge. I played a couple of songs that I wrote (sappy love songs of course) and when I was done I looked over and she was crying! I asked her what was wrong and she said she had no idea that I was "like that". She said she had always been intimidated by me. She thought I was the cool party guy with tattoos. Interesting that after all those years she didn't really know me at all.
Casual offers for sex from people I "know" is interesting to me as well. I can count how many people I've been with on one hand. I could've been with 50. I've never been with someone that I didn't really like. So if they knew me they wouldn't even ask. Or keep asking. I guess most girls are not used to being turned down.
I just read this back and I kinda sound like a pretentious ass! Hmmm... maybe that's the problem! HAHA!
4 comments:
First off, I only know you online, but it's been a few months. I LOVE your songs, you're wonderful and sad that you dont share that with everyone you know, then again, nothing wrong with the tattooed guy either! I think you're maybe too deep for some of them, have you ever wondered... if you let them see the REAL you, will they really appreciate you for who/what you are?
You're NOT a prentious ass either, not in the least. You're personality is wonderful, therein lies the sexual offers.... your absenance to sex only with those you truly love is nothing more than pure fabulous.
I hope you find your 'group', the ones you can confide in, trust and show your true self too. People you can meet at the pub and they WANT to know about your day, not just talk of themselves and move forward.
We all NEED to talk about our lives in some shape or form (hence the blog... thank god) poetry, music, etc.... you're a mere human! Welcome to the world of selfish people- now turn your back, smile and move forward... new people, new places, new friends... real ones! much love to you - Bambi
I think the reason I've been feeling that way is because I found someone that REALLY knew me. Knew everything about me, totally understood me. Talking about me,talking about us, and talking about everything was so wonderful. I got used to that... and I think that now that I don't have that, I notice more how little others pay attention.
I don't need to tell you how hard it is to let go of something that made you so happy, and accept the fact that it's not going to work out.
Thanks for the pep talk and the kind words. And thank you for being REAL! You are a very special person Bambi:)
I have read alot of blogs and I was just about to give up reading other people's stuff because I just didnt find anything worth paying attention to... and then I read your blog and I was very impressed. You have a very refreshing take on things, truly blessed...amazing really.
Thank you for the compliments. It really means alot to me.
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