I would give anything to meet you in front of the fireplace tonight, hold you and give you the present I've been holding on to for you. It's not shiny or fancy, and didn't cost a lot of money. But, I think it's rare. Not something a lot of people are given by another person. I really need to give it to you. It's too wonderful and perfect to keep to myself.

I don't know if I can properly describe it to you with words, but I will try.

All of my attention... to every word, every breath, every move, and every want of yours. Every beat of my heart, every thought in my head and every whisper in the dark. Every look and smile that mean that nothing else matters. All of my admiration, adoration, and respect always. My hand to hold on to, and my shoulder to cry on until there are no more days.

Simply put.... All of me.....All of my Love..... I give to you.

THE MAN GENE...

I understand every form of the modern man... the player, the cheater, the asshole, the brawler, the guys we all know. All of that is in me somewhere... it's in the man gene. I have so far successfully suppressed that gene for the most part. Sometimes it's easier than others.

I always think of the aftermath of my actions... of others feelings... and my own... how I will feel about someone tomorrow.

Tonight for instance. I went o a bar to meet some friends and they were really late (I was really early). So this girl came over and sat next to me. My first thought was HMMMM... Pretty hot! (Man gene) We ended up talking for a while and she decided to confess (HA) that she thought I was hot.

The problem is that I know within the first 5 minutes of talking with someone whether there is a future in it. That is against the man code, I know! You mount the woman! HA!

I found myself looking at her knowing that it would go nowhere.... but wanting to hold on to her in the dark... smell her hair..feel her warmth. But I couldn't, because it wouldn't be real, wouldn't be fair to her....fair to who I am.

She could be here right now....and that would be nice...it would feel good. It may even feel right for a few hours. In the end I am who I am...I would rather be lonely tonight than potentially hurt someones feelings tomorrow.

Life would be so much easier if I let the man gene take over. I have the nice guy gene as well... and so far nice guys end up lonely.